I am lying here awake. Trying so hard to turn off my thoughts. I find it hard to do anything other then worry about what is happening these next few months. Fear has taken over my life. I know I will not be the one going through surgery. I know to some extent I have it easy, but this will be the hardest thing I have ever done. My heart breaks even thinking about the moment they wheel them away and I am standing there in the hallway alone. I can already feel it. How on earth am I going to do this? Where is the courage going to come from?